So about 1 month ago I picked up a CD from Mos Def entitled " The Ecstatic". One of the songs named "Priority" has been playing in my head this morning, and during my morning meditation it sounded through, and I found an impactful line to carry on down. Top Priority for me during my meditations is definitely my breathing. This morning prioritizing my life seems to be somewhat a strong message. I still feel as if I am playing with a computer for the first time with the concept of prioritizing things in my life. It isn't something new but freshly exposed to my mind. It seems so vast, but last night after beginning a list of mid range and long range goals, it doesn't seem too far off that I could place those items in order of priority. I noticed as well that when thinking about what could be done to improve the quality of life I have in my day, I thought about curtains…..yes, curtains. Curtains have always inspired in me a feeling of well being, I grew up with sheets the majority of the time substituting for curtains. But my girlfriend brought up the priority of curtains compared to other items we want to upgrade our life. I am sure everyone has these conversations day in and day out especially married couples but it didn't leave me thinking about any item in particular in my life, it made me think of priority as it applies to my life, and to be more narrow and focused my days. Priority hasn't been much a large part of my life, not as far as making way for it in my life. But one thing I have noticed is once things are not prioritized things in your day to day tend to get messy. Things in my life had been messy far too long for it to be anything but familiar. There has to be precedence in my life. I saw that spending one hour of focused job searching time would result in about 10 jobs being applied for give or take a few with tailoring my cover letter slightly to be addressed to each company. When you add consistency to that, in just a few days I have applied to over 20 jobs. It only takes one, and the law of averages is around 10 percent. Priority is almost the anti-distraction, or perhaps distractions opposite. I have been enjoying being able to get things done with such efficiency. That was totally a pat on my own back, but I have to be proud of some progress. Placing priority goes down to what is distracting in my own head during the day. Many times my mind is my own worst enemy, drudging up unlikely, or even likely but pessimistic outcomes and scenarios. But with priority of thoughts, the mind obeys commands already given. Which leads me into the next portion of this mornings meditation.
The brain being like a computer program. Upgrading your software as well as your hardware! Well I am surprised I have never written about this. Well I have been thinking about programming, reading about programming, and have wanted to program computers my whole life. Not thinking about the one that matters more to me than any I have dreamed of or even approached. My own! I was reading the "Idiots guide to programming" and it lists a breakdown of how programs work. I was taken by this immediately. First that you have a program that runs one task at a time, you have programs which choose options, and you have continuous tasks. That brought me to the forefront of what I am as a person, I have vital organs which are constantly at work, I have other features running one operation at a time with multiple little programs like during the act of eating, and I have free will granting me the ability of choice. I thought first this morning during this thought about muscle memory, as I have been working out, training my muscles to be stronger, and to keep my body running much healthier. I wrote about the cycles in "Anything can be done", and I believe this is somewhat of a follow up to that. The funny thing about all these different pieces to this progressive structure is how quickly things begin to go once you start. I remember when in the midst of classes you really needed to be there daily for the more advanced sections because everyday you progress so much more quickly than the last. It is how I feel in the world of well being with writing, reading, exercising, eating healthy, and meditation. I feel like I was just in the midst of partying my face off, or drinking my liver into submission and now I am about the furthest thing from any of these. I have to tell you I made a rule to reserve junk foods and alcohol consumption to the weekend. Well, I have to say I love my pastries, but I have been making them from scratch at home, even though soda's have been apart of my junk foods too, I haven't felt too bad, though sometimes I do feel bad even on the weekend. I also made alcohol a weekend thing, and I pretty much dropped it all together last weekend. I can't even seem to finish a bottle of wine, with my girlfriend! It's so interesting about what the body does for itself, and how it begins to work for you. Well anyway back to the programming concept, it has been doing wonders to get on a program but to realize it, well that came this morning, and it goes back to my pie concept in "Anything can be done". Now realizing that programs and sub programs are an equivalent structure to the pie chart, I will now refer to the concept as programming. I have a chart that I have been keeping to maintain information on what is going on in my program daily.
Multi-tasking with self. So this has been coming up in my meditations often and I would like to start discussing this. So there are tasks I think of often in order to regulate my meditation sessions, and a few examples are listen, find your balance, focus on breathing, etc…so I have been working to find a balance between a few of these at the same time. As I did I felt almost a nirvana like sensation come over me. I have felt this once before in meditation, an orgasmic feeling running up my spine while my mind was focused on a blank existence. Often in my meditations previously I would concentrate on blanking out my mind, and controlling my imagination to the point of perfect black. Now more and more I am letting my conscious be free, but maintaining focus on priority number one breathing. But multi-tasking seems to have been working for me, and makes me feel expansive. I would really like to get some thought on this from the community. I don't know how many people have put much effort into this portion of meditation but I am curious to know.
Virtualization pretend guide. Sounds like I am sticking to this computer concept, and possibly that has to do with more than just reading a few books and being inspired in the last month, it has to do with a good majority of my life being in love with technology specifically related to computers and robotics. But during the course of my meditation yesterday, I was relaxing focused on my breathing, and a thought came to me or rather, I got outside of myself. I approached my thoughts as if I were a few feet above my head looking down upon myself, and I noticed I breath normally with one nostril. To get some balance and take in larger deep breaths with both nostrils I pretended to do so in my mind's eye. It worked, I continued this method, and it continued to work. I had a great advancing day with imagination yesterday, pushing myself to figure out where I want to go. I have maintained a lot of big dreams in my life, I love being that person, though I was penalized many times for my imagination, I see it as a tool.
Today I want to do something extraordinary. One thing. In a radically different way from what I know. Dedicating 1 hour or 1 day a week to something extraordinary sounds like a good plan. Put together a program, prioritize tasks, carry out tasks, evaluate.
I haven't yet evaluated myself during this time. I said that I have been finding things about myself I don't like and discarding those, and finding things I do and maintaining them. But a thorough evaluation of myself hasn't yet been performed. I haven't really ever seen that happen in my life. I have been such a vilan to myself by blocking off doors to evaluation, or even the effort to do it myself, with honesty and clarity, something that can be worked off of.
Self Analysis, for a purpose, so what is the purpose. To identify my strengths and to maintain those, and to identify weakness's and to overcome them and discard what is not needed. To beautify my code, or to solidify my foundation. I am finding out daily I want less of what even I think of as promising.
